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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28898790">dickteronomy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rufusrant/pseuds/sclerant'>sclerant (rufusrant)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Beatles (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Crack, Illustrations, M/M, and sentient, ringo's dick is 69 inches long, seriously bruh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:02:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>596</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28898790</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rufusrant/pseuds/sclerant</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>joj only has a few days to save the world with his boyfriend.......................'s sentient dick.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>George Harrison/Ringo Starr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>dickteronomy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelesteFitzgerald/gifts">CelesteFitzgerald</a>.</li>


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26402119">The Book of Georgenesis</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelesteFitzgerald/pseuds/CelesteFitzgerald">CelesteFitzgerald</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/rufusrant/pseuds/sclerant">sclerant (rufusrant)</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Merry belated Christmas to the one and only Celeste! There's no way I can possibly express the amount of love I have for you.................... except try with this fic lmao.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>a long, long, long fucking time ago there was a dick, and it was the most majestic being in the world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>in fact it was the only being in the world.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>it got pretty lonely, being a majestic dick in a beautiful green oasis. it vaguely knew of an even bigger dick up there called god, but he was a preppy snob who perpetually suffered artists block and thought his world was a stinky place and mostly lived upstairs doing god knows what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>basically the dick was lonely. it was soooooOOOOOOooooooOOOooo lonely. so then the dick did something unprecedented. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>it grew a person. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“wtfffffff” said the person, who seemed to be connected to dicko’s ass with his ass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“its ok” dicko said reASSuringly. “i’m with you! you aren’t alone!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“but…………….. but your me dick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“on all levels except physical i am yer dad.” said dicko. “and i shall name thee my son, bongo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ok” said bongo. he then tried to stand up but dicko got in the way. “owwwwwwwwwww.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“go on!” dicko started wondering if it should’ve made bongo’s legs longer, bc they were a good 69 thousand feets shorter than it. bongo grunted as he very carefully wrapped his hands around dicko and tried to move it somewhere comfy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>then suddenly god showed up, bc ofc he did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“huh??” said bongo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“o shit” said dicko. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“DICKO,” god thundered. “IS THAT A HUMAN??????”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooooooooo its a bongo”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY IDEA!” god threw a hissy fit bc ofc he did. “I WAS GONNA MAKE THOSE IN 3 DAYS ME DAMNNIT!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“MINE ISNT A HUMAN, ITS A BONGO,” dicko protested its innocence. it shook violently against the grass in order to show god it was sorry somehow, but then bongo started to shake as well. he made weird, gaspy noises and then fell to his knees and nearly bent dicko in half. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“ARE YOU SERIOUS????” god shooted. “RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY GARDEN???”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“whats a garden,” bongo moaned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“SOMETHING YOU’LL NEVER ME DAMN STEP FOOT IN AGAIN.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>bongo and dicko scremed. then they saw nothing. literally. and then suddenly bongo scremed again because now he was lying on top of his dik and it was COLD AS—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"oh do shuddup," god snickered. "i haven't made that yet."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"WHAAAAAT??"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"then where are we??" bongo started to panic. he looked around but saw nothing and nothing except frozen tundra and snow and his dick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"a cold place," god said. "a place where i shall bestow no light, no love, no other humans around, and did i mention ITS COLD??????"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"oh for fucks sake"</span>
</p><p>god laughed evilly and then he yeeted back off to his shithole garden. bongo sat on his arse with dicko and shivered.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>"i'm sorry kid," said dicko. </p><p>"it's ok," it was not ok. "at least..... at least i've got <em>you</em> around. you to talk to so i don't lose me mind."</p><p>"that's right!" dicko was trying to stay positive. "i've got you, and you've got me!"</p><p>"yeah!" said bongo. "who tf is god anyway??? we don't need no god!"</p><p>"shhhhuSH! he might hear you!!!"</p><p>"o right sorry."</p><p>bongo and dicko sat in the frozen tundra in awkward silence for god knows how long. 3 days either passed or they didn't, there was no sun where they were to tell. bongo tried not to mind. what other hooman could say they made good convos with their dicks? but still, it wasn't long before bongo realised that he was, indeed, talkin to his dick. </p><p>so when dicko fell asleep, he said something totally for himself. </p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
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